It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To

 

 

On April 24th, I turned 48 (almost half a century *gasp*) to very little fanfare.

Actually…to no fanfare. Fanfare is too loud, I was too nauseous for cake, and my Migremlins were screaming enough, thanks.

Sure, my family texted (proof that they know or I’ve drilled into them that phone calls hurt) birthday wishes. And Facebook friends galore posted well-wishes also…but here at home…it was forgotten. And that hurt.

I have chronic illnesses, not a lack of emotion.

So if I want to cry over my nonParty on my Unbirthday, I think I get a free pass to.

Big-Ol-Pity-Party-Free-Pass.png

And like the girl said, “You would cry too, if it happened to you.”

(Also because my feelings are valid and matter, no matter who says otherwise.)

Be well, or as well as you can,

Selena

Advertisements

The Invisible Me

Depression
Depression and chronic illness/pain go hand in hand. Chronic back pain and chronic migraine are found to be highly correlated with significantly increased risk of suicide. But depression on its own is certainly no joke. It can be all-consuming and is accompanied by increased risk of suicide and other mental health issues.

How often have you tried to stay strong and appear like you’re handling things…while falling apart inside or when you’re alone and no one can see?

Depression loves to use our insecurities and fears against us, to whisper in our ear that no one cares or that we should be able to “get over it” or through it like anyone else.

It makes us believe we’re alone, even though millions of others like us are going through the struggle as well.

For National Poetry Month, I’m posting some of my poetry related to chronic illnesses/pain/migraine, domestic violence, and mental health.

Poetry has been an outlet/therapy/love for me for as long as I can remember, anything that deeply affected me emotionally has always been a part of that, but chronic illness and pain – physical suffering – affect our emotions and mental state much more than people not living with them realize.

These aren’t the only posts I’ll be making, but I hope that durimg this month of sharing, there’s something in poetic form you can relate to as well.

Be well, or as well as you can,

Selena

Never Forget, You Are A Warrior.

Chronic illness warriors
We often don’t feel like it, but surviving every day with a chronic illness, chronic pain, and/or a mental illness makes us warriors…even if all we did was survive. ❤

For National Poetry Month, I’ll be posting some of my poetry related to chronic illnesses/pain/migraine, domestic violence, and mental health.

Poetry has been an outlet/therapy/love for me for as long as I can remember, anything that deeply affected me emotionally has always been a part of that, but chronic illness and pain – physical suffering – affect our emotions and mental state much more than people not living with them realize.

I hope that durimg this month of sharing, there’s something you can relate to.

Be well, or as well as you can,

Selena

“Feelings” Are Just As Miserable (And Important) As Physical Symptoms

Chronic illness mental health
Chronic illness feelings suck…then add some mental illness feelings and *BOOM* you’ve got a combined mess.

No, I can’t “just think positive” or change how I feel…and I don’t have to.

Neither do you.

Feelings themselves aren’t inherently good or bad–they just ARE. And they’re normal, even the ‘negative’ ones. Even the ones that aren’t quite rational.

It’s what you do with them that matters.

People are uncomfortable with negative emotions. We don’t like seeing people we care about struggle or suffer; we’re full of nice sounding platitudes intended to bring comfort. The trouble is, we don’t always stop to think about whether we’re trying to comfort or help them feel better for us or for them.

If your offered comfort, help, or advice is given or urged upon someone because it hurts you to see them hurt or because you are uncomfortable with negative or strong emotional (and/or physical) suffering–it isn’t for their sake, whether you believe it will help or not.

Your intentions may be the best and the kindest; I honestly believe most people’s are. And in the moment, most of us will smile or say thank you for caring, and will try to protect you and ourselves by not voicing any emotional struggle again. We will put on the appearance of coping as well as we can and cry our tears or vent our anger into our pillows instead so we aren’t imposing or having to feel your discomfort atop our own.

And the more people we get the message from that our feelings are somehow wrong or inappropriate, the more we hold them back or try to bury them.

Yes, positivity has its place, and it does often help to a degree (big or small depends on the person and situation), but it isn’t a fix-all…and it won’t eradicate other feelings. Nor will burying them like rotting garbage.

All it does is make them feel more wrong, and more like there’s something wrong with us because we can’t seem to get rid of the stench.

Some things, despite our best intentions, have to be borne or traveled through. There’s no way around them, and they can’t be buried deep enough–we can always smell them even when you can’t. They exist regardless. And they can be part of an illness (mental or physical), partner to it, or become one of their own.

They can start to fester like an infected wound that slapping a bandaid over won’t cure; they have to be voiced to be lanced, and sometimes that’s all it takes to start the healing.

Others are more difficult, and some never completely heal–they need regular maintenance and treatment and may flare up again. These are usually the ones that can be the most difficult and the most uncomfortable for us and others to look at and hear about. They’re often a symptom of a larger problem or the result of a situation, and not dealing with them in a healthy way can impede or halt our progress and well-being.

But like any problem or illness, you’ve got to be aware of what needs treated, and every symptom matters. Even the ones we don’t talk about. Especially those.

We need to stop being afraid to tell each other it’s okay to feel, and to listening to how others feel even when it makes us unsure what to say or do, no matter how we feel about it.

It’s okay to not know how to react or what to say, and IT’S OKAY TO TELL SOMEONE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR HOW TO REACT. Most of us would 100% rather hear that than have our feelings dismissed or feel invalidated by the response of a pithy platitude.

In the end, it’s not always about who REALLY gets it, but about the fact someone tried or is willing to sit in that painful place with us without trying to fix or silence it.

Be well, or as well as you can,

Selena